PRACTICAL ‘HOW TO’ TIPS TO KEEP PASSION ALIVE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP
I feel like we are just flatmates now. I hear that phrase regularly from clients. Doesn’t matter if they are gay or straight, long term or medium term partners. What they mean is that they don’t have much physical intimacy any more, they are ‘bed dead’. And, sadly, many people feel embarrassed or shameful when talking about sex, and find it hard to discuss. This is tragic really because physical intimacy is restorative, fun and connecting. And it is deeply human. Hearts to parts My thoughts are that physical intimacy is supported by having an emotionally safe intimate space in our relationship first. I use a phrase ‘hearts to parts’.
But what does the research say?
John and Julie Gottman are renown relationship experts. Their research shows that a satisfying sex life is supported by doing the following:
They say “I love you” every day and mean it
They kiss one another passionately for no reason
They give surprise romantic gifts x
They know what turns their partners on and off erotically
They are physically affectionate, even in public
They keep playing and having fun together
They cuddle
They make sex a priority, not the last item of a long to-do list
They stay good friends
They can talk comfortably about their sex life
They have weekly dates
They take romantic vacations
They are mindful about turning towards each other – they ‘lean in’
On the other hand, the Sloan Centre (UCLA) found that couples who have an unfulfilling sex life do the following:
Spend very little time together during a typical week
Become job-centred and child-centred
Talk mostly about their huge to-do lists
Seem to make everything else a priority other than their relationship
Drift apart and lead parallel lives
Are unintentional about turning toward one another
Do you need help? Long term relationships are really satisfying and also really tough. Romantic partnerships will also bring up our childhood emotional pain.
If you would like to book an appointment with our counsellor you can call our clinic on (03) 5429 3610 or book online by following the link below.